Halloween at Naruto's
by Ada Kensington
Summary: Naruto is throwing the BEST HALLOWEEN PARTY EVER, DATTEBAYO! and he's invited you to come along and watch as everything gets totally out of hand. Naruto, Shikamaru, Kiba, Neji, Orochimaru, Kabuto, Sasuke, Sakura, Lee, Gaara, Jiraiya & more! Update: CH.4
1. Chapter 1

Halloween at Naruto's

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AN: I love Naruto, and I like all of the characters featured here. Remember: this is just a bit of fun. 

Oh yeah, and Kankuro loves the Vengaboys. Anyone who has watched True Naruto Style knows this only too well...

Enjoy!

* * *

"MAN, THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST PARTY EVER, DATTEBAYO!" Naruto yelled, punching the air with his customary manic enthusiasm and almost toppling off the step ladder he was using to put up the streamers. He was dressed as Superman and had a bright red cape on and was sporting equally lurid underpants over his blue, form-fitting bodysuit - but because he couldn't find shoes to go with the outfit, he was wearing a brand new pair of Nike trainers, instead. 

It had taken them hours to decorate, rather than minutes, because they were using Sasuke's old room, which was huge compared to Naruto's and Sakura's cupboards. The guests were due to arrive at any moment and Naruto and Shikamaru were putting up the finishing touches. They were lucky that Sakura and Ino had offered to make the food, otherwise they would have been screwed.

"Watch it, Naruto! Jeez... Remind me why I'm helping you out again?" Shikamaru said, grabbing at the streamers Naruto dropped, rolling his eyes. His specially made fake beard for his Silent Bob costume had almost slipped off again. He needed to find some superglue or something.

"Because you screwed up on your last mission and you feel like you need to make up for not getting Sasuke back by helping Naruto decorate for his Halloween bash," Neji said casually, flipping the page of his book over as he took a sip from his Long Island Iced Tea.

Shikamaru's eyes narrowed as he surveyed Neji Hyuga and Choji Akimichi, who had come as Einstein and a Sumo Wrestler, respectively. "You screwed up, too, Hater," he said. "Remind me again why you're just sitting on your ass while I'm doing all the work?"

"Duh. Because we've only just got out of hospital," Choji said exasperatedly, as though explaining two plus two equals four to a difficult child. "And you can't talk to me like that," he added proudly. "I'm a Yokozuna. Have some respect, underling!"

"Heh heh. Right, on, Akimichi!" Neji said, high-fiving Choji as they both snickered. "And that's _Professor_ Hater, to you, Silent Pot-Head!"

"Oh, yeah, sure," Shikamaru said through gritted teeth as he and Superman Naruto hung the last of the streamers. "So you're going to get better by getting blind drunk, falling over and pissing yourselves, eh? Sounds like a great plan."

Choji stared at his team mate as if he'd just dropped his pants. "What the hell are you talking about, dude? It's a great plan. Best plan ever, right, Neji?"

"Totally," Neji said, as he refilled his glass with more Long Island Iced Tea.

Shikamaru sighed and climbed down the ladder. Naruto did a backflip off it because he was so pumped up about the impending party.

"MAN THIS IS GONNA ROCK, DATTEBAYO!" Naruto shouted, as he performed his trademark, "Nice Guy" pose. "I'M GOING TO PUT OUT THE KEGS!"

The three other shinobi blinked and shook their heads, as Naruto sprinted into the kitchen, wondering when the ringing in their ears would stop.

"Man, I really wish he would stop shouting," Choji muttered, twisting his finger in his ear and worrying whether or not he had actually gone deaf.

"Yeah, he needs to chill the fuck out," Neji agreed. "But speaking of chilling out, did you bring some weed, Shikamaru?"

Shikamaru snorted in disbelief and sat down, pouring himself a pint of the Long Island Iced Tea. "Did I bring some weed? What do you think, _Professor_ Hater?"

Neji and Choji looked at each other and grinned.

"Awesome..." they breathed as both of them fell into fits of evil giggles. "Where d'you get it?"

"Jiraiya. He sold it to me. And I hid it in Uchiha's old room," Shikamaru added conspiratorially. I stuffed it under the mattress. I'll whip it out when everything hots up."

"Man, this really _is_ going to be the best party ever," Choji said, his eyes glittering with the happy hope of a giant forty-eight skin in his very near future. But his blissful vision of stoner-dom was shattered as Sakura's voice came shrieking from the kitchen.

"NARUTO! GET THOSE DAMN KEGS OFF YOUR HEAD! YOU ARE NOT FREAKING SUPERMAN! IF YOU DROP THAT, I'LL PUNCH YOU SO HARD IT'LL MAKE YOUR KYUUBI HIT THE DECK!"

True to form, Naruto just wasn't listening, and he came careering into the main room with twelve kegs balanced on his head, singing the Superman theme at the top of his lungs.

"Doo doo doo doo dooooo, doo doo dooooo! Doo doo doo doo doooooo... DOO DOO DOO, DATTEBAYO!"

The three guys looked at each other and shrugged as Ino and Sakura emerged from the kitchen looking frazzled. Ino was dressed as Pamela Anderson and Sakura had come as Jessica Rabbit. And they were both arguing. Again.

"Ino, why the hell did you have to give Naruto speed? You know what he's like!" Sakura said angrily.

"Well, he offered to pay me for it!" Ino retorted. "He said he's been saving up for this party for ages and that he wanted to have a good time, so..."

Sakura shook her head and sat down hard on the sofa, frowning. There was no seat left for Ino, so she picked up Neji and threw him across the room.

Shikamaru and Choji looked at one another with fear in their eyes. Getting involved in an argument between the two bitch queens of Konoha, they knew, could only end badly. Thankfully, however, the bell rang, and for the first time in his life, Shikamaru shot up and practically ran to answer the door. He threw it open and screamed like a girl as he was confronted by the most sinister looking teddy bear he had ever clapped eyes on.

"I see you like my costume, then," Gaara said, smirking, as he pushed past Shikamaru, not even waiting to be invited inside. Kankuro and Temari followed behind, carrying two crates of wine each. Shikamaru shuddered as he saw that Kankuro had come as John Travolta, complete with carefully coiffed wig, sparkling platforms and skin-tight flares that didn't leave much to the imagination. Temari, on the other hand, had come as Christina Aguilera, which wasn't too bad at all...

When the Sand squad had dumped their stuff, Kankuro clapped his hands and strutted over to the stereo. Grinning, he whipped out a CD and shoved it in. The Vengaboys began to blare from the huge speakers.

_The Vengabus is coming... And everybody's jumping..._

"Alriiiiiiiiight!" Kankuro howled with glee while busting some serious moves. "Now that's what I'm talking about!"

"YEAAAAH, DATTEBAYO!" Naruto yelled, punching the air. He was so overjoyed that the party was finally getting started that he grabbed Neji - who had only just come round from being thrown, Mr T style, by Sakura - and dragged him up to dance.

For a moment, Neji stood there and winced at Naruto doing the funky chicken, but then he shrugged his shoulders, thinking 'ah... what the hell', and joined in because he was already half-drunk, anyway.

Gaara and Temari went over to the sitting area to knock back a few bottles of wine each with Ino and Sakura. Choji was already in the kitchen, scoping out anything potentially munchable. So when the doorbell rang again, Shikamaru sighed as he realised that because he answered it once - just once! - he was doomed to be on door duty for the rest of the night. Scowling, he trudged over to door and opened it. It was Lee and Hinata, holding hands and dressed as Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire. Kiba was there too in a dog costume looking pissed off, with Akamaru dressed as the Kyuubi. Jiraiya and Kakashi (both dressed as pimps) were standing behind them carrying a keg each. Hinata giggled and dragged Lee into a corner where they promptly started making out. Shikamaru stared at them in disbelief, his jaw hanging open.

"Errrr... ahem."

"Oh yeah, sorry," he said, snapping out of his horror-induced trance. "Come in, guys."

Jiraiya and Kakashi sauntered in, looking suave, but Shikamaru grabbed Kiba by the fur. "Kiba, man, when the hell did _that_ happen?" he whispered, trying not to look at Lee and Hinata, who were all over each other like a rash.

"I know, man," Kiba said, rolling his eyes. "How do you think I feel? I had to come over here with them. They just kept— you know— _Doing Stuff_..." Kiba whispered significantly with a shudder.

"Man, I'm all up for a bit of hot lovin', but that's just weird," Shikamaru said weakly, running a hand through his hair.

"Yeah, I'm totally with you, Shikamaru," Kiba said. He paused and looked Shikamaru up and down, before grinning and giving him the thumbs up. "Nice Silent Bob costume, dude."

"Heh, thanks," Shikamaru said. "Want to roll some skins to help us forget the horror we've just witnessed?"

Kiba paused for a moment and looked around. Naruto, Neji and Kankuro were busting some truly heinous moves to the Vengaboys; Lee looked like he was well on his way to second base; Gaara the Sinister Teddy Bear was already drunk and had started making obscene sand sculptures which Jiraiya and Kakashi were laughing hysterically at; Choji was stuffing his face; and the rest of the girls were looking over at Lee and Hinata and were power-gossiping.

"I thought you'd never ask..." he said, rolling his eyes.

* * *

_Meanwhile, in Orochimaru's hidden lair..._

The kage of the Hidden Village of Sound sat in his dark, underground throne, in his dark, underground room, in his giant, dark, underground house and laughed his creepy laugh for twenty three minutes exactly before he stopped and called for Kabuto.

"Kabuto," he announced, "I wish to put my next diabolical plan into action!"

Kabuto grinned with evil glee and rubbed his hands together. Executing a diabolical plan with Orochimaru-sama would be much better than staying in and playing World of Warcraft again for the three-hundred and fourth night in a row.

"What plan would that be, Orochimaru-sama?" he asked enthusiastically, hoping that it would involve Naruto's Halloween Party because he had prepared a special Britney Spears costume just in case he was able to go. "Is it diabolical? Is it _reaaaaally_ diabolical?"

"It is truly diabolical, Kabuto," Orochimaru answered, smiling his creepy smile. "It is so diabolical that a little bit of pee will probably escape accidentally when I inform you what my most diabolical of plans is."

Kabuto couldn't contain himself any longer. It must be diabolical if Orochimaru-sama was sure pee would escape accidentally!

"Orochimaru-sama," Kabuto began respectfully, "I must know! What is your most diabolical of plans?"

Orochimaru laughed his creepy laugh. "My most diabolical of plans is for us to travel to Konoha, get absolutely wrecked... and to crash Uzumaki Naruto's Halloween Party!"

"Wow, that _is_ truly diabolical, Orochimaru-sama..." Kabuto said, in awe of his master's supreme evilness. A little bit of pee did, indeed, escape accidentally.

Orochimaru smirked. "Of course it is, Kabuto," he said smugly. "It is _my_ plan, after all."

Kabuto was just about to do a little dance of joy when he realised something was not quite right, and his face fell.

"But, Orochimaru-sama," he wailed, "you do not have a costume!"

Again, Orochimaru laughed his creepy laugh and patted Kabuto patronisingly on the head, before turning round and roaring, "SASUKE!"

The sullen-faced, emo teenager came skulking out from the shadows, scuffing his shoes across the floor.

"What?" he grunted.

"Don't _'What?'_ me, and lift your feet when you walk, you insufferable little bastard. Remember, I only put up with your crap because I'm having your little boy body in the very near future!" Orochimaru snarled, before he snapped his fingers imperially at his next container. "Now take these bandages off and show Kabuto my damn costume!"

"This is so unfair," Sasuke sighed, as he began unwinding the bandages that had been covering Orochimaru from head to foot for the past few days.

When the last of the bandages fell to the floor, Kabuto gasped in shock!

"B-But, Orochimaru-sama! That's—"

Orochimaru grinned his creepy grin and Kabuto fainted.

* * *

Next episode: Orochimaru's Most Diabolical Costume is revealed! Kabuto and Temari become arch-rivals! Hinata the Bunny-Boiler! And... gasp! The Weed Goes Missing! 

If you liked it, leave a review. And remember, it's only a bit of fun!


	2. Chapter 2

Halloween at Naruto's

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AN: Cheers to 117CanadianFuriidamufighter117 (I hope I didn't make your coughing fits worse! P) and to Someonewholikestoreadstuff for the brilliant reviews! 

But, oh my god, over one hundred people read chapter one of this fic last night! Even though I only have two reviews to show for it, that's still really cool. It means all of you Naruto fans out there are reading it and liking it, which is awesome.

So this chapter is for all you guys! Hope you like it!

(Oh yeah, I decided to cut out the weed going missing. For I have other, diabolical plans... Muah hah hah hah hah!)

* * *

After constructing a colossus of a joint, which they smoked by balancing it on Akamaru, Shikamaru and Kiba woke up lying face down on the floor of Sasuke's old bedroom three and a half hours later with a horrendous dose of the munchies. 

"Oh my god," Kiba croaked. "That was wild... I'm never, EVER doing that again."

Akamaru, who had inhaled quite a lot of the smoke, looked at him, sniggered and fell over.

Kiba squinted at Akamaru and nudged Shikamaru, who groaned and tried to push him away.

"Shikamaru!" he said, sounding terrified. "Shikamaru! Dude! Wake up!"

Shikamaru pushed himself up onto his elbows and tried to focus, but gave up. "What's... What's up, Kiba?" he yawned.

"Are dogs supposed to snigger?" Kiba whispered, gripping Shikamaru's arm in a haze of weed-induced paranoia.

Shikamaru screwed his face up and thought for a few minutes. Then, he came to a conclusion.

"No. Dogs generally don't snigger."

"Oh my god... Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!" Kiba started to yell, launching himself into a full-blown panic attack.

Shikamaru raised his eyebrows at looked warily at Kiba, who had begun to rock back and forth gently, clutching at the long ears of his rented dog costume. "Errr... are you okay, man?" he said cautiously.

"NO!" Kiba screamed. "If he can snigger, that means he can speak! And if he can speak, then that means he can tell people things! Tell people things that should never be told! Tell people things that I do! TELL PEOPLE THIIIIIIIIIINGS!"

Shikamaru knew this was too good an opportunity to pass up. "Tell things like what?" he asked, trying to iron the grin off his face because Kiba was staring at him with wild, red-rimmed eyes.

"Like..." Kiba whispered, drawing closer to Shikamaru so that no one would hear, "Like the time when I—"

But Kiba's confession was cut short as the door burst open and Naruto's head popped in.

"HEY, GUYS—" he started to yell, before he choked on the evil-smelling cloud of weed-smoke that assailed him. "MAN, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING IN HERE, DATTEBAYO?"

"IT'S THE DOG!" Kiba screamed, launching himself at Naruto. "IT'S THE DAMNED DOG! HE KNOWS THINGS!"

Shikamaru shook his head and staggered upright. Pulling Kiba off of a bewildered Naruto, he sat him down on the floor. Kiba whimpered.

"I think we should let these two sort out their differences," Shikamaru said, with an evil grin. "Let's lock them in."

Naruto grinned back and, as one, both of them leapt out of the room and slammed the door shut, wedging a chair underneath the doorhandle. They could hear Kiba howling and banging on the door, his big, dog paws muffling the sound. Shikamaru sniggered to himself before he realised Naruto was looking at him expectantly.

"Errr... did you want me for something?" he said suspiciously.

"YEAH, HA HA HA," Naruto said, scratching the back of his head, sheepishly. "THE DOORBELL WENT, DATTEBAYO."

Shikamaru sighed. "Aren't Shino and Tenten here yet? It's half one already?"

"YEAH, THEY'RE HERE!" Naruto said, suddenly looking puzzled. "THEY FILMED KAKASHI-SENSEI STRIPPING AND PUT IT UP ON YOUTUBE, DATTEBAYO. IT WAS AWESOME. HE WAS TRYING TO TAKE HIS SOCKS OFF AND HE FELL OVER, HIT HIS HEAD AND WENT TO SLEEP. HE'S STILL UNDER THE TABLE, DATTEBAYO!"

Man, I have got to see that video later, Shikamaru thought to himself, before the people at the door decided to make a point by ringing it again and again and again.

"Alright, I'm coming," he muttered, as Naruto bounced back over to the dance floor. "Jeez... can't you people wait one damn minute? Honestly. It's not too much to ask for— OH MY GOD, IS THAT CHUCK NORRIS?"

Shikamaru opened the door and there, in all his mighty glory, stood none other than the one and only Chuck Norris, accompanied by Britney Spears and a pouting Sasuke Uchiha.

While Shikamaru's brain was invaded by the sheer power of awesomeness, rendering him unable to speak, only drool, Neji tottered up with a beer in hand and grinned vaguely.

"Mighty fuck... Is that a costume?" Neji slurred. "You look so like Chuck Norris. It's unreal."

Chuck smiled, though it was a rather creepy smile. "Yes," Chuck said. "We are here for Uzumaki Naruto's party. We have brought alcohol."

Neji blinked and automatically scanned the corridor for evidence of booze, but came up with nothing. "Where is it, then?" he said moodily, feeling vaguely cheated.

Chuck clicked his fingers and a giant snake appeared. The snake threw up ten crates of Aftershock and disappeared in a puff of smoke. Chuck grinned a creepy grin.

"Dude... even though it's covered in snake drool, that was so fucking awesome. Okay, I'll let you guys in, but I can't let Sasuke in."

"Why not?" Britney Spears piped up.

"Wait and I'll show you," Neji said, before turning to the glowering Sasuke and asking, "So what the hell are you supposed to be?"

"I don't do dressing up, Hyuga," Sasuke grunted.

"Then I can't let you in," Neji said, hiccupping. "Naruto's party. Naruto's rules."

Chuck Norris whipped round suddenly and beat Sasuke over the head, which made Britney Spears whimper. "You're dressing up whether you like it or not, you loathsome little shit. I will not let your teenage angst ruin my truly diabolical plan!"

In a flash, Chuck cut off a lock of Sasuke's hair with a handy kunai and stuck it to his upper lip. "There," Chuck said. "He's come as Hitler."

Neji sniggered drunkenly. "Fair enough. Come on in. Never mind Shikamaru, just step round him. He's star struck. He's always loved Chuck Norris."

Chuck smiled a creepy smile and followed Neji in, with Britney Spears and Hitler-Sasuke trailing behind. He smirked and kicked Shikamaru just because he evil and felt like it.

"Right," Neji said. "The drink is over there," he pointed vaguely over to where Jiraiya and Gaara were still making dirty sand sculptures and laughing hysterically at them. "The dance floor is over there somewhere," he whirled his finger around his head three times, "and the bathroom is through that door - but if you want a piss, just piss out the window like Kankuro did. I wouldn't go in there because Lee and Hinata have been in there for ages."

All three newcomers' eyes widened at this most shocking of revelations.

"Lee and Hinata?" Britney said incredulously, exchanging a significant look with Chuck. "Are you serious?"

"Yup," Neji said happily. "If I wasn't so drunk right now, I would totally break Lee's legs, but I am, so I'm fine with it. At the moment. Ha ha."

"Ha ha." Chuck said.

"Yes. Ha ha," Neji replied before he staggered off in the general direction of the dance floor.

"Look what they've done to my room," Hitler-Sasuke muttered darkly. "They'll pay for this. I'll get my revenge on them all."

"Shut up, Sasuke. I command you to shut up," Orochimaru snapped, before turning to Kabuto-Spears.

"Kabuto," he announced, "I will now put into motion the first part of my truly diabolical plan - that is, getting absolutely wrecked. For that, I shall need to procure some alcohol." With that, Orochimaru daintily selected a bottle of Aftershock, opened it and downed it in one with his mighty, mighty, snake oesophagus. "Now, note that I am not yet wrecked, but that, in time, I shall be," Orochimaru continued, as Kabuto actually whipped out his little pad and pen and began to take notes. "The second part of my truly diabolical plan will now be set in motion - that is to mingle. So, Kabuto, get your peachy, toned, sequin-clad, shinobi ass out onto the dance floor and gather information. Sasuke, I don't expect anything of you, since you simply will not talk to people, so go and sit in a corner and sulk."

Both subordinates bowed and went about their respective duties. Sasuke found a suitably dark and gloomy corner and sat there and sulked - hoping that someone would notice him and ask him what was wrong, so that he could tell them to go away - and Kabuto was having the time of his life on the dance floor. He had always prided himself on his l33t d4nc1ng skillz, but ever since Kimimaro had kicked the proverbial bucket, he'd had no one to dance with. But not anymore! Kabuto was back, and he was busting so many fierce moves that a small, drunken crowd had gathered.

"Wow! How can he move like that in stiletto heels?" Ino whispered enviously to Temari and Sakura. "He's a better dancer than me!"

"Hmph," Temari snorted, tossing her head, "Mr Spears thinks he's so fucking fabulous. I'll show him—"

Temari strutted over to the CD player and put DiRRty by Christina Aguilera on. Everyone whooped and cheered and Temari began gyrating on the floor like a stripper. There were wolf-whistles from a few of the guys. Kabuto pouted and stamped his stiletto heeled foot on the floor. Then he sashayed over, stopped the track and put on Hit Me Baby One More Time. Again, there were whoops and cheers and he smiled, satisfied, that all eyes were on him again. But his moment was short-lived, as DiRRty came on yet again. The bitch Christina girl was stealing his show! Enraged, he strutted over to her and grabbed a handful of Temari's hair and threw her to the floor.

"Jealous Sand whore!" he shrieked. "Just because I'm a better dancer than you!"

"CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT! CATFIGHT!" Choji chanted, laughing through a mouthful of pizza.

"Jealous? Hah! In your dreams, you bitchy, little queen!" Temari screamed, as she staggered upright.

Kabuto fell silent, trembling with suppressed rage, for a moment - but it was a calm before the storm. The crowd that had gathered stepped back a bit, readying themselves for the explosion. Then, Kabuto-Spears took a deep breath, before roaring, "I AM NOT GAY!" With one swift movement, he picked up Temari by the hair and lauched her through the nearest window, jumping out after her into the street below, screaming all the way down.

For a minute, there was a minute's stunned, drunken silence. Then Sakura started to giggle. "Man, that was totally awesome!" she said, "Put the music back on, Ino!"

* * *

_Meanwhile, in The Bathroom..._

* * *

There was tiniest break in the Make-Out paradise that was going on in Sasuke's old bathroom, so Lee took advantage of it to come up for air. Hinata immediately grabbed his head and shoved her tongue down his throat again, but Lee pulled away. 

"Hinata, my love, I know you are intensely attracted to my fierce and youthful spirit, but we have been in here for three hours," Lee said.

"So?"

"I think perhaps we should go out and talk to people, or at least let our thanks be known to Naruto, who has thrown this wonderful party for all the young shinobi of Konoha, through which we can strengthen old bonds and forge ones anew!" Lee explained, adopting Naruto's Nice Guy pose. "It would be discourteous of us to not do so, my love."

Hinata sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Okay, fine, Lee. Go out and mingle. If you wanted a break, you could've just said."

Lee smiled his enthusiastic, youthful smile and caressed Hinata's face. "Thank you, my love. Are you coming?"

"I will in a minute, sex pumpkin. I have to fix my make-up," she said sweetly.

Lee nodded and, blowing Hinata a kiss, made for the door. When it closed behind him with a quiet click, Hinata began to laugh maniacally. From the folds of her dress, she whipped out a packet of instant ramen and some roofies.

"I didn't want to have to do this, Naruto... but you've left me with no choice. You will be mine, tonight. Oh yes... You will be mine tonight..."

* * *

_Back outside in the Main Party Place!_

* * *

"Oh my god! Leeeeeee!" Gaara roared, creating a sand lasso and yanking his taijutsu-using friend over. "Where have you been, man?" 

Lee's nose wrinkled as he smelled the alcohol wafting from Gaara's general direction. The Sand Kazekage's eyes were crossing and uncrossing and he was having real trouble standing up. He was standing in a sand pit guarding the drink with the Sannin Jiraiya and a guy dressed in an uncannily good Chuck Norris costume.

"You are drunk, Gaara," Lee said seriously.

"Hah! I know!" Gaara slurred, throwing his hands up in the air and almost falling over. "Isn't it fucking amazing?"

"Right on, little Sand Man," Jiraiya said, sniggering into his thirtieth sake. "But, hey! Hey! Show Lee that sand thing you made of Orochimaru, that was—" Then he looked up as someone approached. "Oh! Hi, Sakura. How's it going?"

As Sakura walked towards them, Lee began to tremble and fidget with his fingers.

_I am sorry, Hinata, my love. I am sorry I had to do this to you, but it is the only way. I must get Sakura-san to notice me. I must make her see that my fierce and youthful spirit burns only for her. I will tell her tonight. I will tell her of my love for her, and I will win her heart._

His fuzzy brows knit together with fierce and youthful determination.

_I shall not lose!_

* * *

Next episode: Powercut! Chuck Norris unmasked! Raising the dead: Kimimaro returns! 

If you would leave a review - that would be nice! Cheers, guys! Even if it's just a one-liner with your favourite line or moment from your favourite character.


	3. Chapter 3

Halloween at Naruto's

* * *

AN: Wow! Now I'm up to three-hundred people in three days. These kinds of hits are rivalling my more serious Harry Potter stuff. Thanks so much for reading, guys (and it would make me even more happy if you left a nice review! ) ) 

Muchos thankos go out to suzako, kristina-16, Amberley and sailorchick22 for the awesome reviews. Thanks also go out to ILuvKibaAndShino, ShinobiHunter181 and kristina-16 (again!) for the faves.

Thanks for sticking with this! Now onto TEH PARTAAAAAAAY!

* * *

It was three in the morning and Naruto's party was in full-swing. About an hour ago Kiba had made a tearful apology to Akamaru, hugging him and saying all sorts of things like "Y-you're my best friend, man! Seriously. My bestest, bestest friend and... and I don't want you to ever leave me. EVER! You're my best... Man... I just don't know what I'd do without you—" Blah, blah, etc. etc. You all know how it goes. So after Kiba had smashed the door down and cheerfully ignored Sasuke's death threats, he met up with Shikamaru again, who was in the bathroom with Shino, holding Naruto upside down over the toilet and dunking his head in it. 

"Errr... guys," Kiba began, a tad weirded out.

"h1 k1b4," Shino said in his Agent Smith costume without looking round. "w3're lukin 4fter N4rut0. h3 isnt f33ling 2 gud right now. Dunno whut hppnd."

Kiba blinked, having not understood a word his team mate had said and turned to Shikamaru and looked expectantly at him, because the newly promoted Chunnin was a total genius and just knew general stuff. Seeing it coming, Shikamaru sighed and took it upon himself to explain.

"He's speaking in l33t," he said, giving Naruto another dunk. "You know he's on that computer 24/7. He was playing Starcraft with that Britney Spears dude before Naruto fell out of the bedroom with his Superman pants on his head and fainted."

"Oh. Right," Kiba said, as if this explained everything perfectly. "But why are you dunking Naruto in the toilet bowl?"

"h3 wont w4ke up," Shino said, shrugging his shoulders.

"We think he's been drugged, but we have no idea who did it," Shikamaru added. "Not that anyone really cares, mind you."

"Oh. Right," Kiba said, scratching his chin and pondering for a moment. Then he added, with an evil grin, because this sort of opportunity came up only once in a lifetime, "Care for a hand, then?"

_Back out in the Main Party Area..._

"Right, Jiraiya, Chuck..." Gaara barked, swaying dangerously on his feet. "We're gonna have a... but? Bet? Yeah... bet. We're gonna have a bet."

Oro-Chuck and Jiraiya had been doing shot after shot of Aftershock to see who could outdo the other, and both were looking distinctly red-eyed and the worse for wear. They stopped and looked up at Gaara. Oro-Chuck hiccupped and giggled.

"Whussthebet?" Jiraiya asked, slipping an arm around Oro-Chuck, who muttered something incoherent and sniggered to himself.

Gaara looked over to where Neji and Choji were playing catch (in the loosest sense of the word, because both of them were too drunk to catch anything), hurling a football back and forth and tripping over every two seconds. Then, the Sand shinobi grinned evilly and whipped out a sand tendril and snatched the football away.

"Heyyyyyyyyyyyy!" he head Neji complaining, but Gaara ignored him completely.

"Right, ladies," Gaara said, spinning round and brandishing the football. "I bet you four-thousand Yen that none of you... can swallow this football."

The man dressed as Chuck Norris snorted. "Hah?" he said. "Are you serious? Give it here!"

Both Gaara and Jiraiya watched in horror as the man they had known as Chuck extended a freakishly large, long tongue from his mouth, and, dislocating his lower jaw, curled his tongue around it and forced it down his throat, swallowing it bit-by-bit like a snake. The two other ninja gazed in open-mouthed horror.

"O-Oro, is that you?" Jiraiya said eventually.

"I am afraid so," the Man Formerly Known As Chuck Norris said, smiling a creepy smile.

"HOT FUCKING DAMN!" Jiraiya yelled, slapping Orochimaru on the back, rivalling Naruto in his drunken enthusiasm. "It's about time you showed up. These lot are lightweights," he added, jerking his thumb in the general direction of the dance floor. "Come on, man," he said, grabbing Orochimaru by the collar. "Let's do something totally wild! It'll be like old times!"

Orochimaru sighed and rolled his creepy snake eyes. "Don't be ridiculous. I gave up on that childish nonsense a long time ago, Jiraiya."

There was an awkward pause. Jiraiya's eyes shifted from side to side before he said, in a low voice, "Is it because of what happened at that last party? Because I told you that it didn't mean anything and that Tsunade hasn't told anyone either." There was another pause before he added, muttering, "though I haven't been able to go near handcuffs, whipped cream or face paint ever since..."

"You said we would never, ever talk about that again, Jiraiya," Orochimaru said, through gritted teeth, determined to not let anyone hear their conversation. But Gaara was standing there listening to every word the older ninjas were saying.

"You guys got drunk at a party and did something kinky, didn't you?" he sniggered, swigging from his wine bottle, before the smirk was wiped off his face as Orochimaru's snakey pupils dilated and Gaara fell to the floor, whimpering.

"That was a bit harsh, Oro," Jiraiya said, finishing his sake and prodding Gaara with his foot.

"He deserved it," the Snake Sannin snapped, ripping off Chuck Norris's face and shaking his long, black hair out moodily. Then he added, after a pause, "Alright, Jiraiya. I concede. In lieu of tradition, together, at this party, we shall do something truly, truly diabolical!"

Jiraiya grinned and rubbed his hands together with evil glee. "So what's the plan, Oro?"

Orochimaru smiled his creepy smile and licked his lips in that creepy way of his.

"Meet me outside in five minutes," he said. "And bring that lightweight Sand shinobi with you, for we will need him to wear the plant-pot," he added, jerking his head at the still whimpering Gaara, who was twitching and muttering, "Cobras! Cobras! Auuuuugh!"

_Later, on the Dance Floor..._

Half an hour later, the dancing had subsided because they were running out of drink and the partygoers had sobered up slightly. Kakashi had woken up, too, and had decided that he wanted to tell ghost stories, since it was Halloween. With Shino, Kiba and Shikamaru's help, Naruto had come round too, and he was escorted back into the party room, totally unable to remember what had happened to him. Hinata had offered to take care of him and Kiba and the others handed him over. So it was that they were all sat round in a circle (except Sasuke, who had refused to join in) listening to Kakashi's story about an avenging, undead skeleton shinobi.

"And then the young Gennin turned around... _but there was no one there,_" Kakashi breathed, eyeballing each individual member of his captive audience. "But he swore he could hear the sound of bone... scrape... _scrape_... **_scrape_**... and the pound of skeletal footsteps coming slowly up the stairs..."

Neji whimpered and grabbed at Tenten and Lee. Lee, however, wasn't any help because he was having flashbacks to episodes 127-128, and was twitching alarmingly.

Over in his corner, Sasuke smirked and shook his head. He'd heard that story before. Orochimaru-sama had told it to him twice already. They guy who was telling it would say: "And do you know why I know this story?" And the audience, if they were a bunch of big, hairy, dribbling mongoloids, would shake their heads and then totally freak out as the guy telling the story screamed "BECAUSE I WAS THE BONE NINJA!" It was so stupid...

Then, Sasuke had an idea. Perhaps he had been around Orochimaru-sama for too long, because it was quite diabolical (it was only quite, not truly diabolical, for he wasn't at that level of supreme evilness yet). He smirked to himself and stealthily crept over to the door and sneaked outside to find the fuse box. Yes, this party was just about to get interesting.

_Meanwhile, outside with Orochimaru, Jiraiya and Gaara..._

"Are you sure I have to balance on the stick like this, Orochimaru-sama?" Gaara said, wobbling slightly.

"Yes, Gaara-kun," Orochimaru answered impatiently as he read from an old leather, bound book and waved an ethnic-looking rattle.

On Orochimaru's orders, Jiraiya had made a circle of fire around Gaara and had stripped down to his underpants. He was dancing around the circle and yodelling wildly.

"A-And are you sure I have to wear this plant pot on my head?" Gaara asked uncertainly.

"Yes, Gaara-kun," Orochimaru snapped, squinting at the book, trying to focus. "Now, I order you to shut your pie hole so that I may concentrate on successfully executing my diabolical plan. I am really quite, quite drunk, and it's making reading very difficult."

Gaara, however, had one more question. "B-but, Orochimaru-sama," he said, wincing. "Did you have to take off my pants?"

"DO NOT QUESTION MY AUTHORITY, YOU LOATHSOME LITTLE BUTT-BISCUIT!" Orochimaru roared, before realising that he wouldn't be able to lure Gaara back to his lair after the party if he shouted at him. He coughed and then forced a horrible smile, saying quite sweetly, "Now, little boy, I would like you to start spinning around in a counter-clockwise motion, if you would be so kind."

Gaara rolled his eyes and muttered something mutinous as he began to pirouette on the end of the stick, fighting to keep his balance and hold the plant pot on his head. As he did so, Orochimaru rattled his ethnic rattle and shouted "ITCHYNUTZ!". There was a blinding flash of lightning, and Orochimaru smirked, his creepy snake eyes locked on the ground.

Gaara's brows knitted together in puzzlement. Then he looked down and screamed as a pair of familiar and distinctly bony hands burst out from the earth. Jiraiya jogged over to his old team mate and slapped him on the back, grinning from ear to ear.

"Heh, what do you know, you evil-eyed bastard, it totally worked!" Jiraiya chuckled, as Gaara continued to point and scream in a blood-curdling fashion.

The horrifying, bone-creature dragged itself from the earth and stood upright, looking from left to right, before its pale blue eyes settled upon Orochimaru.

"Welcome back, Kimimaro-kun," Orochimaru said, caressing the young ninja's cheek with a creepy smile.

Kimimaro blushed. Gaara stopped screaming and both he and Jiraiya looked at each other significantly, suddenly feeling quite ill, though it was nothing to do with the drink.

_Can things get any worse?_ Jiraiya thought to himself. _My best friend leaves the village for ten years and comes back a total paedo. I think I need another drink..._

"Now, my little Kimimaro-kun," Orochimaru began, grinning evilly. "I have an _extra special_ task for you to carry out..."

_Back in the Main Party Room..._

"And then the bone ninja slowly walked towards little Jimmy and raised his blood-covered bone sword over his head, " Kakashi breathed, creating further suspense by doing a spooky, wiggly hand movement. "And he brought it crashing down, slicing right through the heart of the innocent, young Gennin..."

Kakashi looked round at his audience, who were all looking at him, catatonic with horror. Hinata had found Naruto a blanket, which he had pulled up to his chin and was chewing on for comfort. Neji was actually hiding behind Tenten, who was clutching at Kabuto, who didn't really seem to be all that bothered, but that was fine. He'd probably heard it before. But it was going diabolically well. Everyone was scared out of their wits (well, everyone but Kabuto). So that was fine. The time was right to drop the bombshell. He only hoped he could do it the same way Orochimaru-sama had done back in the day he'd first told him it when he was a Gennin. Man, that was scary. The way his eyes had kind of popped out and—

_No. Don't think about that, or your night-terrors will come back, Kakashi, you douche. Just get back to the story..._

Little did Kakashi know that his night-terrors were just beginning. Outside at the end of the corridor, Sasuke was just about to put his Only Quite Diabolical Plan into action. With a torch in hand, Sasuke picked the lock on the fuse box and threw away the protective cover. He grinned evilly and let his finger hover over the power switch.

"I'll show them," he cackled to himself. "I'll show them how a real Halloween party should go..."

Inside in the main party room, Kakashi had created the sense of creeping terror so incredibly well, that Choji and Shikamaru were clinging onto one another, looking as though they were actually about to pee their pants. Therefore, he decided, the time was right. The threat of imminent pee was always the deciding factor. So he lowered his head and paused, letting the suspense build, before he spoke again, so quietly that everyone had to lean in to hear him...

"And do you know why I know this story?" he said, making his voice artfully hoarse.

No one answered.

Kakashi let a psychotic grin creep over his face and let his head snap upwards, and, taking a deep breath, he pulled out a katana from nowhere and screamed at the top of his lungs, "BECAUSE I WAS THE BONE NINJA!"

Then, outside at exactly the same time, Sasuke began to laugh maniacally and threw the fuse. Inside, everyone screamed as the lights cut out and a bolt of lightning revealed, in a dark corner, a lone ninja holding a long, bone sword covered in blood.

TO BE CONTINUED...

* * *

AN: Man... I bet everyone _so_ knew that was coming. (snigger) 

Reviews, please, people!


	4. Chapter 4

Halloween at Naruto's

* * *

AN: Sorry for the lack of updates. All I can say is that Hofstadter's Law really did happen: "Things will always take longer than you expect - even if you take into acount Hofstadter's Law."

Thanks to Kid Manga, Gaarasgirl22002, gaara-o-sand, GaaraCutie, HinodeoftheCovenant, Haku Forever, AliCal and the anonymous reviewer whose name was a string of random letters P.

Thanks also go out to GaaraCutie, HinodeoftheCovenant, KidManga, Sasuke Usheya, ShinobiHunter181, SlythCommand, gaara-o-sand, kristina-16 and whitetigerrose for the faves.

Cheers for sticking with this, even though it really is just total and utter crack!fic. P

* * *

"TO THE KITCHEN!" Kakashi roared, stabbing a finger into the air. "EVERY MAN FOR HIMSELF!"

Chaos ensued.

In the pitch dark, the Konoha ninjas seemed to forget everything Sandaime Hokage had said about Teamwork and Solidarity and Fellowship amongst a myriad of other words that meant more or less the same damn thing. Instead, they appeared to be following Orochimaru's Way of the Ninja. The number one golden rule of said Way of the Ninja was: "Whenever there's trouble - get the fuck out." The elite Konoha ninjas seemed to be doing just that. Kakashi was making the quickest progress, having already legged it halfway to the kitchen before even letting the others know. On the way, he'd punched out Naruto and Shikamaru, who were second fastest. This was Orochimaru's second golden rule in his Way of the Ninja: "The only thing between you and survival is the guy running faster than you." Choji ended up getting there first, though only because Neji picked him up and threw him.

After five excruciating minutes of treachery in the dark, all of the partygoers had managed to cram themselves into Sasuke's kitchen, Shikamaru having sensibly blocked the door with a chair. For a while, they all just sat there breathing heavily, as konoha ninja are wont to do after having survived a narrow escape. Tenten was trying to comfort Neji, who was now sobbing uncontrollably into her shoulder.

"It was... It was horrible!" Neji wailed, sniffing and wiping his nose on Tenten's tunic. "All the bones were sticking out— It was like... like when I went to my uncle Sancho's fortieth birthday party, and he got drunk and showed me this trick he could do."

Neji's face twisted into a tormented grimace and everyone was listening to his tale, rapt, with fear in their eyes.

"I'll never forget it," he whispered hoarsely, gripping the fabric of Tenten's tunic in his fist. "He said, 'Ha ha, watch this, Nej-meister!' And he... he—"

"WHAT DID HE DO, DATTEBAYO?" Naruto whispered, his eyes wide.

Neji's lip trembled, then he squealed, "HEBENTBOTHHISLEGSBEHINDHISHEADANDTHEBONESSTUCKOUTANDITWASTOTALLYTOTALLYGROSS!!"

A long silence fell, in which the other ninjas looked at each other with varying degrees of cynicism and disgust.

"Dude," Kiba said, "I can do that. It's nothing major—"

"SHUT UP!!" Neji howled suddenly, pushing Tenten away and pointing a quivering finger at a bewildered-looking Kiba. "SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP!! YOU ARE A _FREAK_! I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU—!"

Neji whirled round at the tap on his shoulder, looking ready to deal Death to anyone who made light of his childhood agony. Instead he just saw Shikamaru staring at him, looking a bit puzzled.

_ "What do you want?" _he snapped.

"Since when do you have an uncle Sancho?" Shikamaru asked, looking at Hinata, too, who was sitting just a little too close to Naruto for comfort, stroking his leg and not paying attention.

Neji deflated a bit, looking slightly red in the face. "Err... well, that's— that's a private Hyuga family matter! It's none of your damn business!"

Kakashi leaned forward and leered at Neji, leaving his attempts to break open the locks Sasuke had put on his window to stop the Sakuras and Inos of Konoha climbing in at night. "Don't worry, guys. I know allllll about Neji and Hinata's uncle Sancho. I was there at the wedding, after all."

"WEDDING, DATTEBAYO?" Naruto asked, completely innocent and therefore genuinely puzzled. "WHAT WEDDING?"

Neji's face turned beetroot. "Kakshi..." he threatened, "... if you tell them anything, I swear to god I'll kick your ass."

Kakashi appeared to consider this for a moment, then he grinned and told everyone everything.

"Uncle Sancho is Hiashi Hyuga's _special friend _ from the Sand Village," he sniggered. "They got together at the Chuunin exams about five years back after Hiashi and the Mrs. divorced. I heard that he can do some pretty mean things with his—"

"Shut the fuck up, Kakashi!" Neji snapped, wrapping his arms around his knees like a five year old as everyone else in the room dissolved into fits of filthy-minded laugher. "Just shut up. I hate you. Seriously, man. You're such a dick, sometimes..."

Kakashi bowed. "Glad to be of service."

"Ur unc13 iz t3h gh3y?1" Shino asked in disbelief.

"Explains a lot," Ino said with a snigger, which was cut off abruptly as Neji almost strangled her to death with Byakugan.

"There's no shame in it, dude," Shikamaru said. "Calm down, okay?"

"I'm not ashamed, alright?" Neji snapped. "You don't know how I feel!"

"Well you're not acting like it," Shikamaru replied impatiently. "You're acting like a raging homophobe..."

This seemed to hit a nerve. The vein in Neji's head started to throb dangerously and his Einstein moustache was hanging at an angle - making him look totally and utterly mental. Everyone except for Shikamaru dived for a spot under the kitchen table, who was used to sticking to his principles.

"I'M NOT A FUCKING HOMOPHOBE, ALRIGHT?" Neji roared, whipping round and grabbing Shikamaru by the collar of his Silent Bob trenchcoat. "JESUS CHRIST, I GET ENOUGH OF THAT FROM HINATA, GODDAMMIT, I DON'T NEED YOU ON MY FREAKIN CASE—"

But Neji's rant was cut short when an ominous sound made its presence heard from somewhere directly above them...

_Thump..._

Everyone stayed perfectly still, except Kakashi, who had suddenly renewed his frantic efforts to remove the locks from Sasuke's window.

"Oh my god, did you hear that?" Sakura whispered.

"Do not fear, Sakura-san!" Lee said valiantly, yanking Sakura into a fierce, dewy-eyed embrace. "I shall protect you!"

Sakura pause for a minute, then said, "Errr... Lee? I thought you came with Hinata?"

_Thump thump..._

"Holy shit, it just happened again!" Kiba screamed, jumping to his feet, almost stepping on Akamaru in the dark.

"omg d00ds w3r gunna g3t PWNd!" Shino said. "Th1s is 1t. w3s g3ttin t3h smaxdown. h4vent any of u gys w4tchd 4liens?"

Kankuro bit back a scream.

"Ex4ctly man. w3 is ded. D-E-D."

_Thump thump thump..._

"Err... Kakashi?" Shikamaru yelled, becoming a bit freaked out by all the talk of Aliens and the implications of imminent, agonising death. "Are you going to get that goddamn window open or what, because this thing, whatever it is, is getting closer!!"

* * *

Meanwhile, in a cramped air vent above Sasuke's apartment

After he'd pulled the switch in the power room, Hitler-Sasuke had crawled up into the air vents and along until he reached the ones that ran above his old apartment. It hadn't been hard to find his ex- idiot companions because he could hear them all whispering at each other to shut up three rooms away. He cackled diabolically to himself as he thumped on the metal air vent and heard them shitting bricks. He had also cackled diabolically at the revelation about Hyuga Neji's Uncle Sancho. It really did explain a lot. Hmph. Hyuga. What a loser!

Although despite his amazing, unparalleled, Uchiha success in carrying out his Quite Diabolical Plan, he wondered what exactly had caused them to react so spectacularly. I mean, yeah, it was really good timing and everything - but there had to be something up. Something else was going on that he didn't know about - and as soon as he was finished torturing his ex- comrades, he was going to find out what.

With an evil grin, he gave the metal vent a few more thumps and was satisfied to hear Kankuro squeal. But from up ahead, his sensitive, Uchiha ears picked up a soft, shuffling noise.

Someone was coming along the vent.

There was no way any of those douches down below had figured him out, because he had peered through the grate and he could still see them all.

The shuffling was getting closer. Sasuke smirked in the arrogant way he had learned from Orochimaru-sama. Well the encroaching shuffler was no threat. He would find out who it was, and then beat the shit out of them for trying to out-diabol him in the diabolical plan stakes.

The intruder was just about to turn the corner. Sasuke got ready to launch himself, but stopped when he saw a strangely familiar figure crawling towards him. Sasuke had only seen him in pictures. There was this one really filthy polaroid he'd found when he'd went raking around in Orochimaru-sama's porn stash that'd given him nightmares for weeks. He shuddered at the memory. He hadn't known anyone could bend that way. This was definitely the guy.

The crawling figure stopped right in front of Sasuke and stared at him stonily.

"Sasuke," it said, not even bothering to be polite.

"Kimimaro," Sasuke said, making extra sure he was just as scathing. "What the hell are you doing here? I thought you were dead."

"I am," Kimimaro replied. "Orochimaru-sama breaks me out sometimes if he's looking for a bit of fun." He paused at the confused look on Sasuke's face, and added, "Edo tensei."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow in scathing, emo, teenage disgust. "Gross. But that's not the point. What the hell are you doing here?"

"I, unlike you, am on a mission from Orochimaru-sama," Kimimaro said smugly. "I am commanded to scare the Konoha rival ninjas to actual death."

Sasuke smirked. "_Actual _death, eh? What's that as opposed to fake death?"

Kimimaro said nothing but stared in his creepy, slightly threatening way at Sasuke.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Well, sorry, shit-stabber, but there's no way in hell you're going to scare those guys to death."

"And why is that?"

"Because I'm going to do it first," Sasuke said. "It's my Quite Diabolical Plan and I'm not going to let some gaybag like you stop me."

Kimimaro smirked. "So mature. But you can talk. I remember Kabuto showing Orochimaru-sama and I footage from his data cards of you locking tonsils with Naruto."

Suddenly, Sasuke's face was like thunder. "Shut up, queer."

"You shut up, homo," Kimimaro hissed.

"No, you shut up, fudge-packer!" Sasuke retaliated.

"No, _you_ shut up, knob jockey!"

_"Faggot!"_

_"Rim-raider!"_

_"Stool-pusher!"_

_"Butt-nutt!"_

"THAT'S IT!!" Sasuke howled. "HOW DARE YOU IMPLY THAT I AM IN ANY WAY LIKE

UNCLE SANCHO! I AM A TEENAGER! WE'RE SENSITIVE TO THAT KIND OF SHIT! I'LL HAVE TO GO BACK TO OROCHIMARU'S DAMN HIDEOUT AND CUT MYSELF AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT— CHIDORI!!"

A great ball of lightning began to form in Sasuke's hand, growing bigger and bigger by the second - and Kimimaro looked on in horror as he realised that it wasn't going to stop.

"Oh. Holy. Fuck."

* * *

Meanwhile, outside in the garden...

"PHEW!" Naruto exclaimed, causing everyone in the vicinity's ears to bleed. "THANKS FOR GETTING US OUT OF THERE, DATTEBAYO!"

"No problem, Naruto," Kakashi said, grinning and scratching his head sheepishly. "Though I don't think Sasuke will be too happy..."

Everyone looked back and winced at the great, smoking hole that Kakashi had blown through the facade of the block of apartments in a desperate attempt to adhere to the first rule of Orochimaru's Way of the Ninja. Nobody complained, though. They were all out; the Bone Ninja wasn't coming after them; and they had met up with the others again and were planning an expedition to egg _and_ TP the Fifth's house. It was clearly Orochimaru's idea because he'd come armed with a van loaded up with all the necessary equipment: namely toilet paper and eggs.

"It looked pretty fucking impressive from out here, fellow pimp!" Jiraiya chortled, slapping Kakashi so hard on the back it made him choke.

"A-KHOOFAH! A-KHOOFAH!"

"Whoops. Sorry about that, Kakashi. Don't know my own strength sometimes," Jiraiya said smugly.

"KAAK! KAAK! HA-KAAK!" Kakashi implored, pointing to his throat, his eyes watering.

"What's that, Kakashi?" Jiraiya asked.

"Kof... Kof— _water _kof!"

Jiraiya pursed his lips and looked around. There was no water about, but it wouldn't do to have his fellow pimp in arms choke to death.

"Anyone any good at water techniques?" he yelled.

Gaara snorted derisively, walked over and threw the remainder of his last can in Kakashi's face. Some got in his mouth, though, and the imminent choking was thus ingeniously averted.

"Thanks, dickhead," Kakashi muttered, wiping the beer from his eyes.

"That's _kage _dickhead to you, underling," Gaara retorted, which made Kabuto snigger appreciatively.

Kakashi wished herpes on Gaara with his mind, then he shook his head and turned back to call shotgun on the front seat, and just as he did, a distinctly bony-looking blur flashed past him. It slowed down in a cloud of dust that set everyone into a coughing fit and stopped to cower behind Orochimaru.

"Kimimaro-kun?" Orochimaru said hesitantly.

"GET DOWN!!" Kimimaro roared, dragging his master to the floor.

Everyone hit the deck, and seconds later, the whole apartment block exploded.

* * *

Explosions! Carnage! w00t!

In the next episode: The Fire/Sand/Sound alliance - Sandaime under Siege!

See you next time!


End file.
